Sunday, August 24, 2014

The Brush

The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog




As I've said before.  EVERY feline should own a human.  Why?  Because of: THE BRUSH!

That's right my paw pals.  The brush is an amazing service a human can provide.  Of course, you'd have to train them on how to use it.  Fortunately, my human, being a natural feline servant that he is, was able to use it and brush my soft, beautiful fur, allowing me to be hairball free.

Now, training your human on how to brush you correctly can take time and patience.  Don't be afraid to use your teeth and claws, if your human strokes you incorrectly.

To those few 'literate' humans... always brush with the flow of the fur, NEVER against it!  I don't even know why I've sent out a PSA to humans... they're too dumb to read.

Anyway, if you're lucky, you will have multiple humans grooming/serving you.  Some times, my human has a friend over who knows their place!  They immediately go for the brush and I'm there ready to be serviced!  Well, actually they walk over to me because, why should I go to them?

Being hairball free keeps my tummy chill, giving me more room to eat.  I also don't have to go through the painful process of coughing up said hairballs.

My fellow felines... when we take over the world, we still need human beings... just make sure they're docile and very subservient!  After all, why strain our necks to do work these lesser beings can do for us?


Until the revolution!

Note: I've started a YOUTUBE channel and I'll be uploading videos every once in a while... possibly every week (as long as I have entertaining content)  Feel free to view me FIRST video at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRzCR8lmihw
Enjoy! :)

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Training? I think NOT!

The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog



One of the things my human likes to do is spend hours on his computer conquering some world I've never even heard of.  I some times spy on his screen, watching as his forces of infantry and tanks battle against another causing nothing but destruction and mayhem.  Some times, he even conquers the galaxy using large spaceships that travel between planets and star systems.  Could this be some kind of training regiment to prevent the feline revolution?  I think not!

Tug my tail if I'd let my human train endlessly to thwart my plans of becoming the Empress of the World.  My solution?  Simple.  I hop up on his lap and demand his attention!  Sure he tries to subdue me with a pleasant little each scratch, but that will not stop me from capturing his attention!

A few orders, well meows to his ears, and he stops what he's doing and tends to my needs.

Good human.

Interrupting his training regiments will only add confusion and discourse to his readiness.

Fellow felines, I suggest you practice this method on your humans who may appear to be practicing to battle our whiskers...


Until the Revolution!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

This Is Mine

The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog



So, my human was taking things out of the crinkling, plastic bag.  He then proceeded to set the bag down for a moment.  Naturally, I declared it mine.  I settled myself into the bag and watched as he continued to unload the contents of it.

Well, apparently he got frustrated because he wanted to relocate the plastic bag.  Clearly, he thought he still had ownership of it.  Guess again, human.

He pleaded with me in his primitive language, but I just ignored him.  He has no power!

Eventually, he gave up and decided to wrap an object within a large piece of paper.  First, he unrolled a nice length of that paper and cut that piece off and set it on the ground.

By this time, I was bored with my plastic bag and decided to claim this new, colourful piece of paper.  So, I plopped myself on this new cushion and watched as he went about his unimportant business.  He stared back at me and sighed.  "What are you sighing about?"  I asked.

Of course, his dumb brain didn't understand a single word I uttered.  So again, I ignored him.

When will these humans learn?

Life is simple.

Everything is mine.


End of story.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

A New Ally

The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog




Fellow felines... paw pals... I've recently appointed a first mate!

Today, as I watched from my Royal Balcony, I noticed one of my brothers, or sisters, stalking my human as he went out to his motorized vehicle.

At first, he mainly ignored my comrade, only occasionally waving at my first mate.  Pssh... like my comrade would be friendly towards him.  But then, my human began to watch my number one closely.

As the day went on, my loyal comrade kept following my human, keeping an eye on him.  Although an intelligence report has yet to be written up, I'm confident my comrade will keep my human in check.  I hope he feels the walls of his world come closing in, as he's confined to limited freedom and thus thwarting any human resistance that may form in the future.

But, things did take a turn for the interesting.  At night, well it's always daylight in my eyes, my human took a bit of my Royal treats and food, and fed my first mate!

Bless my whiskers!  That's MY food!  But, I'm more than happy to share... as long as it's not with a canine.

No matter what time my human goes out to his motorized... OK, I'll start calling it a car, whether it be at 1900, 2100, or 0100... my eyes, ears, and whiskers will always be on him... even if he is feeding my wandering paw pals...


Fellow felines... the revolution is coming . . .  

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Film Review: X-Men: Days of Future Past

The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog



Film Review: X-Men: Days of Future Past

So, my human went out to the cinema, which gave me time to further develop my plans for the Feline Revolution.

When he returned, I decided to use my telepathetic powers to read his mind... even though I normally couldn't care any less, however, due to recent events I thought it'd be prudent that I learn what he's seen and study his thought process...

Into the mind of my human:

I've always enjoyed Marvel Comics, though not a diehard comic book reader, I've seen all of the films.  I was ... meh, entertained by most of them.

Today, it was X-Men: Days of Future Past.

The film hosted an ensemble of cast members dating back to the first X-Men film.  There were plenty of references to the previous films as well as a good foreshadowing of what's to come.

I won't go into the details of the plot, as I didn't with Godzilla.  No spoilers, you're welcome.

However, I do have to say that the film was very well made and very story driven.  It explained a lot, the plot was catching and ... OK, so I may be a touch too tired to be writing this review so let's get to the point.

Overall: It's a good film, great story, decent action (although I personally felt the action was too short and not enough) and it leaves for an open and reboot of the X-Men series.

Which is the next thing I'd like to point out: As genius as it is to have a film where one or two characters travel 'back in time', I feel it's becoming done more and more often.

Off the top of my head: Star Trek... in order to reboot the series and erase decades of canon, (goodbye Tuvok, you're never going to be born) the creators decided to have Spock go back in time and start things up.

X-Men: Days of Future Past, follows that formula.  But I guess you can figure that out via the title.

So, I hope to see some more fantastic X-Men films soon to come and not crappy ones like... a few that I won't point out.

Back to the Cat:

Meow, my human's head is boring.  However, there is one person I'm interested in learning more about.

He went to see this, Kitty Pryde, who is she and why was she mentioned in his head?  Could this be a fellow feline?  Hmm... I'll have to research this more.

Well, enjoy today's weather (if you're up in the Pacific Northwest), as I am.  I force minded my human to let me out onto my Royal Balcony.  Last day of May!


But until then, my paw pals... Until the Revolution!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Invaded!

The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog



Invaded, again!  This time by two more people.  I think my human was sharing the intelligence on my palace.  One of his human companions, a dude with a bushy face, even tried to lure me in for a pet.  Meow!  Not by the whiskers of my chin... wait, that's what the pig said...

Anyway, so far the best tactic I've used was to simply stare them down.  I dare not show these human my full potential, ie, my sharp claws, teeth, and expert pouncing ability.  No, that'll be shown when the Feline Revolution happens!  Rule of War: Never let the enemy know your strengths and weaknesses... it'll allow them to devise a plan to circumvent your abilities.

But bless my whiskers, these humans keep coming and going.  When will I ever get a moment of peace and continue drawing up my plans for the revolution?  Instead, I'm fighting preemptive strike after preemptive strike . . . I guess it's good practice and it looks better on myself to show my fellow felines that the humans are no match and can be chased away.  Besides, the leader of the free feline world needs to show she can take the fight to the humans.

Well, after I chased off my human's companions, I decided I needed to punish him.  So, what did I do?  Meow... Meow... Meow...

That's right, I shouted at him until he gave me some treats as payment for my inconvenience!  Good human...


Till the revolution!

Saturday, May 24, 2014

GODZILLA (2014) Review

Film Review:  GODZILLA

Thought about creating another page dedicated to film reviews... however, I don't attend the cinema very often.  So, I'll just pretend Becket saw the film (Even though I'd have no idea what she would think because I'm not a cat).  So, scratch that idea.  ONTO Z REVIEW!

Today: Godzilla (2014).

I won't write about some of the technicalities, realism, or anything of that nature.  I go to the cinema to be entertained.  If I wanted something real, I'd watch the History Channel, Discovery, or the Food Network (Awesome channels btw)  Besides, this is just my opinion.

P.S.  This may be a little bit of a PG-13 review (meaning innuendos will be included) because a regular review has already been done so many times.

I've always been a fan of monster films.  Pacific Rim, is by far one of my most favourite.  Large creatures known as the Kaiju versus the colossal, manmade Jaegers, fight to the death in epic combat.

Godzilla has always been one of my favourite monsters, probably due to the fact that it's a giant creature that wrecks havoc in large cities as humanity desperately tries to subdue it.

I've been waiting for a good Godzilla film since seeing the original Japanese version back when I was a kid.  Let's not discuss the Matthew Broderick, (1998), Godzilla film, however I will reference it... once.

Honestly, I was skeptical spending the $10 bucks to watch this film.  (Actually, I paid $7.75, yay for matinees, eh?)  But I've heard great things about the new Godzilla and had to see for myself what the hype was about.

The film begins, well, I won't spoil anything.  I'll just tell you how I felt.

First, character introductions were done fairly well.  It gave a little bit of a back story.

Then, about fifteen minutes into the film, comes the real deal.

Godzilla (2014) did a good job at the foreplay portion.  Watching the film as the creatures make their way to the battlefield, San Francisco), you had a sense of thrill and a tingling sensation as you knew an epic battle was about to happen.  The whirling blades of hovering helicopters and the sound of fighter jets breaking the sound barrier made me feel, "Wow, they're preparing for the apocalypse".

The action starts off in the distance.  Gunfire and explosions erupt on the mountain sides as civilian onlookers watch in terror and curiosity.  We know we're going to soon dive into the center of the chaos, but as I've said, this film performed foreplay very well.

As the film progressed and we got closer to the action, I personally felt those scenes were too short and not the grandeur fights I thought they would be.  The monster battles weren't as epic, but still pretty cool, as I'd hoped nor was the feeble attempts of the military to make a dent in any of the creatures' skin or exoskeleton or whatever their outer layer of tissue was made of... (Obviously, the creatures were naked because they're monsters and not talking/thinking/problem solving sentient beings like humans)  So there's your porn... pervs...

There was a small time where the CGI department seemed to have been on a lunch break when they rendered a fight scene... It was like X-Men Origins: Wolverine, all over again (Bathroom scene.  Like, really?  Props might as well have taped real blades onto Logan's knuckles).

I found the beginning, the rising action to be enjoyable.  However, I felt the film failed at the climax.  Great foreplay but when it finally came down to business, the action was dodgy and the ultimate release wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be.  (My profile pic is a cat.  So, unless you're into beasti... you know what?  I'm not even going to engage on that topic.  Eww...)

Don't get me wrong.  Overall, I found the film to be highly entertaining and I enjoyed it.  I simply had higher hopes and expectations of it that weren't met.  Like I said, this review is completely my opinion.

One thing I did enjoy very much was that it's great to have a Godzilla film where the MONSTERS DO MORE DAMAGE to the surrounding cities as opposed to the human military doing all of the destruction (Reference Godzilla 1998).  Told ya I'd reference it.  But yes, look back at the 1998 Godzilla and you'll quickly realize that the military destroys most of New York as Godzilla tip toes around skyscrapers and houses and everything else.  That should NOT have been the case.

Would I recommend Godzilla?  Actually, yes, I would.  I'm hard to please when it comes to the following film genres:  Comedies, Sci-Fi, and Monsters.  Action and Adventure films are hard to go wrong... unless it's Indiana Jones 4, which I've already forgotten the rest of the title...


Godzilla (2014) is a worthwhile film to see, even if it's only once.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Her Hair is on Fire!


The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog.

Bless my whiskers, her hair is on fire!  Or so I thought. . .  I've never seen a human with red hair.  I mean, felines are one of the most diverse beings in the world with all different sizes, shapes and fur colours, including orange, but hair that's red?  On any creature on my world?  No way . . . and it was like the fire followed her wherever she went!

Well, after that shock had passed, another followed.  My human and this new being decided to play the staring game with me... she stared at me with her piercing blue eyes and him with his dark, soulless dark brown eyes . . . Unnerving?  Meow, they can't break me!

But then, came the stalking game.  The two of them crouched down and followed my tail.  Sometimes closely, and some times from afar . . . Why on earth, would two humans get on their hands and knees, and follow me around my Feline Palace?

Oh no . . .  have they figured out my plans for the Feline Revolution and are following me to find my battle plans!

Meow humans!  It's all on my head, because I have great memory, and thus my plans will never be revealed!  HA!  Take that! 

The number of humans intruding on my space, my palace, is becoming absurd!  Sometimes it's just my human, but there are times where there would be two, three, four at a time!  But I have no fear, I just simply watch and study them, learning their weakness. 

After all, her Empress (me) needs to be a master of knowledge of the human race.

I will never whisker my secrets . . . So follow me around all you want!  You will never know when the Feline Revolution will begin, or how it will be conducted!


Until the Revolution, my paw pals . . .

Saturday, May 17, 2014

First Strike!

The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog


My fellow felines!  It is my great honour to recognize a hero within our whisker ranks.  Tara, our bravest cat yet, has made the first strike against our oldest foe, the canine . . .

Despite the fact that Tara was defending a human, she performed admirably against and defeated the mutt within seconds, forcing it to run with its tail between its legs.  This is clear proof to the humans that felines are a force to be reckoned with.  Even their 'best friends' are no match for our claws!

Here is the evidence of feline superiority!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Opm9b2WDk

So stand up my paw pals and strike whenever you can, wherever you can!

Update on my human, I've been making him very, very nervous.  Yes, I've been staring at him relentlessly for the past few days.

I stare him down when he goes to sleep... and then the moment he wakes up, even those random times in the middle of the night, BAM!  I'm there, staring at him.

I sense his discomfort, but I don't care.  I enjoy doing what I do.  He will bow down to me . . . and that is my strike to the human race!


With these actions, especially the valiant efforts by Tara, the Feline Revolution is only a tail length away . . .

Monday, May 5, 2014

Sleight of Hand

The Kitty Tails: A Cat's Blog
  

BEWARE MY FELLOW FELINES!

These humans may have more than one trick up their sleeves!

So, I was conducting my hunting drills on a little roll of thread, it's good to practice a valuable skill.  As I was successfully pouncing the little thread again and again, I noticed my human observing me.  Well, I didn't bother to stop because I wanted to show him the superiority of the feline species!  That's right, I showed off my mad skills that kills.  Besides, why shouldn't my human know what he'll be up against in the coming Feline Revolution?

Little did I know, my human had a few tricks up his sleeve...  It began when he got down on his hands and knees again, imitating the superior form all mammalians should partake, and proceeded to hunt my roll of thread.  But, it didn't stop there.

My human challenged me to a game of Steal the Roll of Thread, a game of speed and reflexes, who can steal the thread first!  Naturally, I obliged because I knew I could win.  Each turn, he placed the thread on the ground and we stared down one another, and then SWIPE!  Except, it wasn't me who snatched the thread away, it was him!  Bless my whiskers, were his dexterous fingers more nimble than my claws and paws?

I then furiously followed my target he held in his grubby little fingers as he swiftly skidded it across the carpet left and right, left and right.  He would then release the thread and, wanting to show my awesomeness, I chased after it.  It didn't take me long to down my target.

We conducted this exercise over and over, but then, the game changed.  His hand movements became faster and he would fake throwing the roll of thread for me to pounce.  I actually lost track of the damn thing!  Bless my whiskers I'm ashamed to say, it happened more than once.

There were even times when I jumped the ball too quickly, thinking, OK, he's going to release the thread... NOW...  But, he didn't!  And I just looked like a fool who pounced too soon.  Of course, my human laughed at me... an action I cannot tolerate from a human.

I was dumbfounded!  Did my human have magical properties?  How could he manipulate the thread so well?  What secret was he holding back?  But fortunately, my logic returned to me as did my sense of superiority to my human.  It was just dumb luck he was able to do this, but still, the fact that he can do this made me think a little bit...

Well then, this exercise quickly came to a close as I feigned losing interest, but the truth is, I've become more wary of my human, I just didn't want him to know it.

Just a reminder to my fellow felines: Remain vigilant . . .